Our first “real” date was two years ago this week.
On our actual first date, (brunch in my neighborhood), Mr. Man made me laugh. I made him laugh. I left and thought, “Sexy. But… not my person. Maybe a second date for research purposes. But… not my person.” He had the audacity to wait 4(!) days to reach back to me. So I sent him a “snooze you lose” message. Subtext: “If you want me, say so.” He was gracious and expressed regret for playing it cool when he was fully intending to pounce. I moved on.
A month later… he circled back. “Come on. Let’s go on a real date.”
Subtext: “Respectfully, you should get over yourself and give this a shot.”
He presented options for the date. (Curation for the win!) I chose a day trip to a mountain town.
“Pick me up at noon,” I said.
“I’ll pick you up at 10am, let’s get this started,” he said.
3 NOTES FOR OPENING YOUR HEART
1. BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT, PLEASE.
Humans are layered. Love is worth going beyond first impressions. Bend.
2. COURAGEOUS HEART OVER JUDGEY HEAD.
Our unhealed self (that wants to be rescued) is terribly judgemental. It creates reasons to stay alone and separate. The heart is softer and much wiser.
3. CHECK YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM.
Not just your butt in those jeans, babe. Tune into your breath and heart rate. Notice your level of ACTUAL RELAXATION in someone’s presence. The nervous system knows. Your mind might be racing, but if your breathing calms and shoulders drop… considering leaning in.
I’ve been on first dates and was all, “He’s THE GUY! but I was jacked on the adrenaline of strategic and wishful thinking—so I couldn’t really unfold in their presence.
Calmness is a compass to Love. Please do not mistake it for boredom.
The big date with Mr. Man lasted 12 hours. It’s been a straight course to commitment from there, with some awesome blindspots and terrific growing pains.
We bend. We soften… turns out to be wise.