Phase 1: YOU WANT TO IMPROVE
Let’s say that you want to lose weight or get a job promotion. Reasonable enough goals. Except that your motivation behind the goals is coming from self-loathing. BS like, “I’m more ‘powerful’ if I’m thinner or have a better job.” Nevertheless…
You do what it takes and you lose the weight, you get the promotion. Yay! You’re happy about the shifts you’ve made. You got rid of the pounds and the old identity. Progress!
Phase 2: YOU SEE THE STRIVING BEHIND THE IMPROVING
Because you’re always growing (yay!), you become aware that underneath your surface, there’s still some self-loathing driving you. You know that part of you wants attention. And you know that if you don’t address it, then you’ll keep striving to prove your worth. The very thought is exhausting.
You want to stop the cycle of striving.
So then you shift your focus to trying to get rid of the part of yourself that is always striving and proving. This isn’t as wise as it might sound.
Phase 3: YOU EMBRACE WHAT YOU WANT TO REJECT… THEN IT CHANGES
Then you call me and say, Danielle, I’m tired of the striving loop. I want to get rid of the striving.
And I say, Babe, don’t try to “get rid of” anything about yourself. You created all parts of yourself. Don’t push any of it away—that just makes it worse.
What? But I want to be a better person, more… powerful.
I know, Love, but… trying to dump an “old” part of ourselves just makes that part hang on even harder. The over-reactionary, embarrassing inner neurotic you don’t want to be anymore… The addictive gremlin that gets you into trouble… Guess what? They aren’t going away until you show them some Compassion.
What we’re trying to expel from our personality is usually the exact part of us that needs more Love—not rejection.
And then, when we Love those hard to Love, pain-in-the-ass personality fragments, THEN they relax, grow up, and become something new and powerful within us.
Evolution is about integrating all parts of ourselves. We integrate and then we “improve” and ascend.
Compassion over rejection,