Essence + Spirituality

The dark side of big goals.

The dark side of big goals.

I should probably tell you now that I’m the kind of person who has very big goals. And if we had tea to jam on your life, and if you had even an iota of ambition, I would probably take that iota and get alchemical with it and blow it sky high. So, I’m the last person to be down on big goals. But I am usually the first person to ask, “So…Why do you want what you want?” Because…

The inevitable panic that sets in when you let go of expectations. (And why it’s good.)

The inevitable panic that sets in when you let go of expectations. (And why it’s good.)

Absolutely everything is a divine message because life is always calling you. I’m leaning against the fridge in a soul sister’s Brooklyn kitchen. “So Megg, Crocodiles are showing up EVERYWHERE for me lately. Like, everywhere. I’ve got to figure out what the Crocodile totem means. Do you know?” And Meggan gives me her classic eye twinkle and says, “Turn around.” Taped to the fridge door is her boy’s drawing of the day… “Shai’s Crocodile Shadow.” Alright cosmos, you have my attention…

Resentment. And how to (un)block your prosperity.

Resentment. And how to (un)block your prosperity.

We hold on. Because Love does that. Embracing, rocking, reserving space. Love holds, it treasures, it tucks away for safe keeping, it loyally protects. Holding on is one of the many great powers of Love. To people. To relationships with people. To ideas we had about the people we relate to. We hold on to our bad habits of relating. I’ll be weak so you can feel strong. I’ll be strong so you won’t see me weak. I’ll do it so you don’t have to. I’ll confuse things because if clarity happens, things will have to change.

Do you believe that life wants you to have what you truly want? Your relationship to prayer, to God, to desire.

Do you believe that life wants you to have what you truly want? Your relationship to prayer, to God, to desire.

I used to pray to sweat blood as a little girl. Dramatic, I know. I was a Catholic schoolgirl, an only child. We rented a small house in a small town, and my parents were young and hip and generally let me do anything I wanted to. The liberal headspace at home, acres of wheat fields to explore alone, and daily Jesus, Mary, ‘n’ Joseph at school made for the perfect environment for me to become the quietly intense mini holy roller that I was. At one point, I used the nooks of my bookcase to create a home for Barbie, and for the Virgin Mary. A leopard-print chaise and a rosary. Heavenly, really.

Kali’s fire, my life, my love.

Kali’s fire, my life, my love.

Kali came to me on a morning that felt like night. She said, “It gets dark so you can see the fire burn more clearly. Throw it all in. And by ‘all,’ I mean yourself.” Into the fire I put a habit of sadness I was married to. And so then I put in my own singular and true sadness, but not so it would be obliterated, rather transmuted, because I wanted to honour the utility of my delusions, the lies that made for density so that I could see the fire burn more clearly.

Your True Nature is Luminous

Your True Nature is Luminous

Light is the most efficient force in the universe. And it’s your very core. Through the chaos, through the darkness, the broken heartedness, we will always circle back to light.
This week is the Week of Luminosity over here. I’m releasing a piece of art in a few days… all for light.

What does “Your True Nature Is Luminous” make you think of?

I asked, you answered.