For every relationship

Easing someone’s suffering…without suffering. Is it possible?

Easing someone’s suffering…without suffering. Is it possible?

Do I have to feel your pain in order to help ease your pain?

And, if I guard myself against your suffering, am I less useful? If I want to detach from your pain, am I less loving? If I think, “I’m glad I’m not going through that”, am I cold hearted? If I’m grateful for my strength or good fortune in comparison to your so-called weakness or misfortune, does that make me…just secretly horrible?

How to be generous.

How to be generous.

Let go of things you think you cherish. A waitress at dinner complimented my friend on her earrings. My very cool friend left the earrings with the tab. I bet that small act rocked the waitress’ world. How much do you really need your stuff? Sometimes we hold onto things for the “principle”. Like say, your bestie loves all things owls but you’re holding on to that owl-embroidered smock that you never wear because your aunt made it. Give it.

Do it for the love

Do it for the love

Money, approval, association — those are each healthy components to pulling off good stuff, but only if they’re rooted in the true love of what you’re doing. First, integrity, then hustle.

No matter what you do in life, whether it’s truly noble or expedient BS, you’re going to sweat for it, you’re going to lose a few battles, get criticised, hit the wall.

There aren’t many shortcuts to greatness, so really, just #doitforthelove.

Staying fluid, jealousy, and are women too hard on themselves? A Q&A on Womanhood

Staying fluid, jealousy, and are women too hard on themselves? A Q&A on Womanhood

Well, WE ARE SOCIETY, so it’s not an “us against them” scenario. Women are setting and managing their own expectations to a huge degree. So let’s start by looking at how we treat ourselves — how women treat themselves as private individuals, and how women treat women. Let’s start with us.

The German magazine Allegria, asked me some good questions about WOMANHOOD. We could have talked for days…

#TellThemNow. The intimacy of gratitude will blow your life wide open. (+ a Father’s Day video that will have you weeping)

#TellThemNow. The intimacy of gratitude will blow your life wide open. (+ a Father’s Day video that will have you weeping)

One of my least favourite behaviours of mine is withholding love. I’m hugely proud to say that it rarely happens. (If you’re going to boast about anything, let it be your capacity for loving.) But it still happens. It’s a reservedness that creeps over my usually boundless heart. I tell myself that staying quiet will give me shelter (from what?*), but it isn’t shelter at all.

Strong, vulnerable men.

Strong, vulnerable men.

Deep and medium tones. Tall, short, fat, fit, straight, gay, brown, white, grey, tattooed. Alone and in chorus. All men. Now the women were catching each other’s eyes in a shared “Like, holy wow,” kind of knowing. And we weren’t just misty-eyed, many of us were weeping — that kind of big-tear cry that you try to muffle by holding your breath because it’s so deep and true, and it’s been living in your body for a long time. Ya, that cry. The women were melting into a puddle of gratitude and respect.

What do you trust? An exercise for strength and mind-cooling.

What do you trust? An exercise for strength and mind-cooling.

Before a big gig or a super-charged opportunity I do a trust ritual with myself. I started doing it on airplanes to cool my mind down after my strategic wheels had been in overdrive. Often we’re so busy trying to get our endorphins fired up to go get ‘em!, we can forget that simply feeling comforted is a very powerful — and useful state of being.

We give what we can, when we can. A very simple story.

We give what we can, when we can. A very simple story.

I’ve been meeting every month with the same five women for seven years. Goddess Night, we call it. Of course it’s a divine lifeline. And of course, we bring food. When we first started meeting my boy was a newborn and my first company was taking off, and I was five kinds of exhausted. I’d usually show up late to Goddess Night. My contribution to a beautiful potluck spread would be like, a bag of chips. Or half a sack of store bought cookies…

Your friends, your freedom, and getting off your ass for Love.

Your friends, your freedom, and getting off your ass for Love.

I don’t have many regrets in this life. But of the few that linger, it’s distinctly the times that I missed out on time with friends. The two weddings I didn’t go to because I was too broke for the airfare. (Being late on rent wouldn’t have gotten me evicted. Maxing out a credit card would have done the trick. I could have borrowed the money from … a friend.) The friend I didn’t visit in the hospital because I was on a book deadline. The birthday party I didn’t get to because of a minor inconvenience…