The internet is a democratic space. (For most of us. Not all of us. Hello, China.) So rock your Instagram however you want. Herein, Iām stating how I personally prefer to operate on the interwebs.
Two things. First, the gentle thing: Iād love for all of us to consider the ENERGY of what we’re putting out there ā especially where permission/no permission is concerned. Becauseā¦it matters.
Secondly ā and this is where my righteous judgment (and good taste) enters: We all need to be on Asshole Alert when it comes to some of the online liberties that are being over-exercised. If you think, āHey, allās fair in the digital world and Iāll do what I want,ā well, thatās just not very grown up. Thatās just very asshole.
Considerations for online etiquette and energetics, and calling bullshit when you need to:
The Golden Rule
Refresher: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Jesus says, Thank yooou. He would have been a total gentleman on Facebook.
PERMISSION + kidās images
If someone posted a picture of me sleeping on to Facebook, Iād be pissed. Iād feel violated. Not good. Is it just me, or for most people is sleep, like, a private thing? ācept parents love to post pics of their kids asleep. And being potty trained. And having tantrums. (I wouldnāt want my tantrum and tears posted online either.) Luckily, I have a grown up voice and can make sure that shit doesnāt happen.
I wonder if a child even KNEW that his/her image was being posted (and what that meant in terms of exposure), and knew WHAT was being posted, and had the capacity to express how they FELT about itā¦I wonder if theyād be all like, āSure mama, please post pictures of me sleeping and crying and losing my mind.ā
Energy. Psyches. Exposure. Tenderness. Worth considering.
PERMISSION + adult strangersā images
There are times Iām tempted to snap a secret pic of a fashion faux pas to make a point. Last week I really wanted to post this guyās silly weeny teeny man bun and give a whole decree as to why this trend needs to die ā immediately. But…would I like to have my lady fun bun captured at the grocery store, or be someoneās ass pic of the day? Even if you didnāt see my face? Nooooooo. Nope I wouldnāt. Golden Rule. No bad pics of me, no bad pics of you. This is playing nice in the universe. Because weāre all sharing the same universe. And fiber optics.
PERMISSION + anyoneās PRIVATE COMMUNICATION
Minor infraction: Posting an image of hard copy communication. For exampleā¦Iāve sent people Thank You cards or encouragement notes and theyāve been posted online. I understand that accolades are good for business. But it’s my note to you ā not the world. If I wanted everyone to see it, I would have taken a picture of it and posted it before I sent it to you ā that would be called an endorsement, or a grand gesture of affection. But if itās my note to you, itās just, you know, my note to you.
Major infraction. Official Asshole Alert:Ā āProfessionalsā posting someone elseās communication to them ā WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION ā such as a client or customer. But āout of respectā deleting the senderās name ā all the while totally dismantling the sender and making a public example out of them.
Of course there are types of disharmonious communication that should be made public ā itās part of justice, and whistle blowing, and putting people in their place. Iāve used my own platform more than once to make a point about crap service and unethical behaviour.
But innocuous communication ā a client query, a customer service interaction where YOU are being looked to for a service of some sort ā these things are in the container of your business. CONTAINER. As in, meant to be contained. It doesn’t matter if the sender is naive, or nuts, or has entitlement issues. To ācall them outā albeit āanonymouslyā (like thatās really protecting them, like theyāre not going to see how youāve splayed their words on your blog), to call them out is beyond arrogant. Itās actuallyā¦unkind.
Iāve been harsh and less than deeply considerate before. I was striving and I was stressed and I decided to pretend that I didn’t know that energy turns into matter. Eventually, hopefully, one starts to choose elegance over ego.
Manners matter. More than clicks and endorsements and being all fucking boss about your positioning.
All communication begins with intention.
Be intentional. Better yet, be intentionally kind. Or just be quiet.

Love,
