I learned a thousand subtle and mighty things about Life from those existential passages, but what I learned about depression itself is that, the more you resist it, the longer it lasts. When depressed, I find it’s best to just be depressed.
I used to be angry and didn’t know why. Now I’m righteous but happy. In my twenties I WILLED it to happen. Now I allow it to happen. I used to need ritual. Now I just want the peace that lies beyond structure, even ritual.
I love having an idea when I’m walking the dog late at night and then in about six weeks actually making money from that late night glimmering, or seeing it on paper. And Christ, when I can help other people get a rush on it, it’s pure juicy juice. I need that juice.
People don’t change very much. Not really. Your every day “you-ness” has been there since you got here, (just ask your dad, or your kindergarten teacher, or any astrologer.) Extroverted. Jovial. Tender-hearted. Curious. Cautious. Exacting. Bold. For better or worse, your essential personality is likely going to keep on keepin’ on. This might be an easy notion to accept for your own self. But it gets tricky when we try apply it to all those other people whom we think would be better off if they just, you know, made a few changes…
When I looked at my relationship to the humans (and my dog counts as a human,) that I relate to, it became clear that I am a planet of love with a hair-trigger drawbridge that closes without much warning. I am, and this was somewhat heartbreaking for me to realize: I am somewhat reserved with my love.
What part of you would you like to revive? The part of you that was playful… no matter who you were with; the part of you that planted a big smooch on your partner when they came home; the part of you that believed the world was waiting for you to show up?