When someone tells me they’re “going to hold space,” sometimes, I roll my eyes (just on the inside.) Other times, I know that this person actually has the capacity and knows what “holding space” really requires.

You have to be strong. You have to be grounded enough in your own identity and intentions that you can be at ease with the shadow things and brilliant things that are going to arise in groups—and within your own mind.

You have to be spacious. Because Humans are full of contradictions, and our connections are full of tension. Creative tension. Beautiful tensions. Gnarly tension.

It’s commencement speech season! I felt honored to talk to a group of teachers and facilitators who were graduating from the xchange program for conscious convening—led by my dear friend, Jon Berghoff..

This is a love letter to everyone who leads—groups or families, virtually or in high heels.

This is the 5 Contradictions of Holding Space, and the real talk on what it means to own the mic, own the room, and show up as yourself.

And please share with all of your facilitators, co-leaders and space holders.

Want the cheat sheet?

CUES FOR HOLDING SPACE FOR OTHERS.

NOTE: THESE ARE ALL CONTRADICTIONS. (Because “holding space is all about holding contradictions.”

1. Embracing your fears will turn out to be your greatest strength.

2. Raise your standards and people will meet you there. But let go of expectations.

3. You can’t change anybody. But you will change people’s lives.

4. Nobody else can drain your energy. But you do have to protect yourself.

5. Blessing others will be your greatest blessing.

With Love,