I had a friend in a heap of debt. They owed taxes and family loans, and their credit cards were maxed. So stressful.
Shame had them in a headlock so they couldn’t look at the bills or calculate what they owed. It got so insufferable that they—very wisely—got themselves in a debtors’ support program and made an Excel sheet, documented their debt and made a plan to chip away at it.
But two things held them back.
First, they were in such a state of self-loathing that doing what needed to be done felt like a punishment. The Excel sheet was more of a sh*t list than a freedom plan.
Second, they were fixated on getting out of debt. But wasn’t that the point? Shouldn’t they be obsessed with getting out of debt? No.
The debt needed to stop being the main character in their story. They needed to no longer see themselves foremost as “someone in debt.” It would have been much more helpful to declare that they were now very focused on building their wealth.
Things actually got worse before they got better. There was more negative self-talk (a very long habit), and spending and avoidance.
Finally, at the end of the rope and credit lines, my friend had no choice but to resort to radical Acceptance. Their words were, “F*ck it! I just gotta love myself and do this.”
Yessss. Acceptance across the board. The behaviours that got them there—Accepted. The existence of karma—Accepted. The presence of God and inner light and resilience—Accepted. The dream of an abundant life—Accepted. The doubt and fears? Also Accepted!
They blessed their mess, stopped hating themselves for getting into it, and did the work to clean it up. Facing the debt—and everything that was a part of it, became a portal to self-respect and freedom. As all challenges do when we stop resisting them.