Are you ego’ing? What IS the ego? Do you DO it, or does it do you?

ISSUE 45 | APRIL 25, 2025
Are you ego’ing? What IS the ego? Do you DO it, or does it do you?

Hi friend, I’m travelling for the next few weeks, first up: Egypt! I’ll send some photos from the temples.

So I’m rolling out a 3-part series called What in the Woo? We’ll cover: The Ego, The Inner Child, and… fun with Karma!

ARE YOU EGO’ING… or loving?
What IS the ego?
Do you DO it, or does it do you?

Let’s kick off with a diamond, liberating re-frame of the ego. Ready? This might feel amazing:

The gift of the ego is to show us who we truly are.

It’s a gift! It has divine utility! It’s not your evil twin (not really,) it’s not a curse. The ego… your shadow… is a POWER PORTAL.

Isn’t that the best news ever?! I think so. Because for the longest time, I thought I needed to squash and punish all my ego-centricisms. Arrogance. Neediness. Fear of the future. Manipulating to get my needs met. Constant striving to burn my karma. Behave! RECTIFY! Or just ignore my dark side and plow forward, willful AF, with a great smile.

But… no. I’ve needed to assimilate… embrace… actually be gentle with my shadows. My shame of my shadowy parts. My fear of my shadow self. My fear of The Collective Shadow.

First, I needed to understand what the Ego really was. The personal growth scene in the ’90s did me dirty with ego misinformation. Lot of ego-centered teachers, not enough Carl Jung and Loving Kindness.

Some useful synonyms for the Ego:

The shadow. Unhealed self. Wounded self. Small self. Abandoned self. Unconsciousness. Subconscious. Inner Child. Ego-ing.

The ego is the unhealed part of us.

More succinctly, the ego is the way our unhealed self acts.

The ego is NOT an entity outside of ourselves, it’s our creation. It’s a way of exaggerating a sense of a separate self. It’s a way of identifying as being apart from Soul, from Source, and from all other forms of life.

It’s a way of seeing ourselves as alone, and therefore in a hostile universe. And the ego acts like it wants to keep it that way… but it doesn’t. Not really. The ego is looking for Love.

We tend to think of ego as arrogance and grandiosity. Bravado and flash. But ego behaviour also shows up as meekly insecure and overly self-deprecating. It will play all sides to try to keep you out of higher-vibration states and experiences, like Acceptance and communion.

We might want to think of the ego as a villain that’s not “really us,” something apart from our sacred nature. But the ego isn’t actually separate from us, it just likes to keep up that appearance.

The shadow comes from the same source as the Light. It’s not real, it’s only a projection. But it has a divine origin.

All shadows are cast by Light. Which is to say, the ego is a figment of your imagination, but you’re the one doing the imagining. You are the Light source that’s casting the shadows.

So while the ego is a false sense of “an alone self,” it very much belongs to us. And rather than trying to tame it or leave it behind on our way to enlightenment, we need to accept it for what it is and let it finally come to peace.

EGO’ing

The ego is a behavioural pattern. It’s a way of thinking. It’s either on the defence or the offence, but never in the heart center. There’s no division in the heart space—it’s inclusive, the portal to your Higher Self.

So it’s not so much that we “have” an ego, it’s that we “ego” our way through life.

Adyashanti has called this ego-ing. When we could be Loving, we’re ego-ing.

Recognizing the ego as a behavioural pattern helps us to dissolve the image of the ego being an enemy outside ourselves. When we see the ego as a way of operating instead of an external character, it helps us be more understanding and compassionate with it, with ourselves.

So when we’re being a bit brazen or too timid, what if, instead of saying, That’s my ego that I need to get in check… scold… tame… we just say, Whoops, I was ego-ing. I can get back to Loving.

The ego is also an amazing trainer in intimacy. While we go about ego-ing—comparing, fearing, rejecting parts of ourselves and others—that’s when we get to meet our shadow. Hi, I’m what you’ve been repressing! And that’s THE opportunity for Compassion and Forgiveness. Healing.

The quick move, best done repeatedly: Speak kindly, like a mother, to the parts of yourself that you’ve been avoiding, hating on or trying to hide. Especially the stuff that’s been wreaking havoc in your life. “Ohhh sweet jealousy. I see you. You can relax in my heart. I accept you.” (Breathe into your heart when you talk with your shadow parts.)

That part of you that feels like it can never crack into the Beautiful People Circle?… all seeking and fawning for an entry point… LOVE THAT PART OF YOURSELF. Talk to her when you’re in the bathtub. “Darling girl who always feels uncool and abandoned… just sit in my heart and rest.”

Shadow work is the ultimate and original cringe. The most profound cringe. That bullshitter actor, round up the “truth” part that you have—that you know is tainting your LIFE?… Love it. Love it like a little kid needs to be loved. You don’t even need to forgive it. Just make space for it to relax in your mind. Talk kindly to it. It needs a break.

This is the work of a lifetime, by the way. Practitioners can sit on the meditation cushion for years to dissolve their self-loathing or cruelty.

I think that ultimately we arrive at a more relaxed place where we can laugh WITH our ego. “I’m on my way to enlightenment and I’m bringing my ego with me.” No resentment, just loving awareness. Light, shadow, light.

Let’s review!

The ego, or the shadow self, is…
: the unhealed part of us.
: specifically, it’s the way our unhealed self acts out.
: a behavioural pattern, a way of thinking that exaggerates a sense of a separate self.
: it acts like it doesn’t want to be loved and healed—but it really does, because all fragments in the universe want to return home—to the heart.

The gift of the shadow is to show us that we are the Light Source.

The gift of the ego is to show us who we truly are: Love.

Ego centered to heart centered.

Love from the heart of the Sphinx,

P.S. The Heart Centering Practice is one of our go-to’s inside The Heart Centered Collective. Simple and profound:

ALIGN. Lightly tap your crown chakra 3 times + heart chakra 3 times. Breathe into your heart.

RECALL POSITIVITY. We want to relax the mind. Think about your Love and happiness. Maybe a sweet memory with someone you Love, the best day of your life, your connection to nature, gratitude… Notice the quality of energy in your heart chakra… warm, golden-hued light filling your heart center.

WHAT NEEDS HEALING? Think of what you want to bring healing to—mental, emotional, or physical struggle. An unfriendly situation. A grievance, fear, or anxiety. Visualize bringing that ONE energy/situation into your heart chakra. (Focus on one situation at a time.)

LIGHT. Visualize pouring translucent, rainbow-coloured light frequencies onto the pain energy. Light pinks, peach tones, soft yellows, minty green, sky blue, lilac.
Let the pain issue rest in your heart, basking in the healing frequencies. You don’t need to analyze it or change it. Just let it be what it is and experience the light.
COMPLETE with a deep breath. Repeat as needed throughout the day.

That’s it. That’s the medicine. Backed by physics AND mystics.

You can do it in 90 seconds—or sit in it for 30 minutes or more. It all works.

Try it for yourself and then in the comments let me know: How’s your heart?

I’m listening. xo