Sometimes we confuse self-pity as self-Compassion.

Compassion is a dignified energy. It’s embracing and wise. It knows that it’s highly capable of healing people and situations. Compassion is merciful.

Compassion is a possibility thinker. Very responsible. Gentle but inspired.

Self-pity is like the zirconia diamond of compassion. It’s not real but it looks close.

Self-pity looks backwards, scans for blame (of self and others). It seems interested in getting out of pain but… nope, not really.

The big problem with self-pity is that it’s completely disempowering; we doubt our agency. We don’t engage with our capacity to heal ourselves. When we’re in “Poor me mode”, we don’t see our wealth––the wealth of friends, of fresh air and clean drinking water, of a strong immune system…

***The particularly uncomfortable part of self-pity is that it usually takes someone else to point it out to us.***

There was a time when I was really physically (and chronically) sick and I was feeling very, very sorry for myself. Mold poisoning, bronchitis, and an overtaxed immune system made my mind foggy. Why did I create this? I’m failing at wellness. If only I didn’t feel this way, I could be happy, I could serve humanity better, et cetera…

I had to be redirected by a healer friend who gently said, “Why don’t you try addressing your self-pity now?” Wince.

I thought I was being all Buddhist and approaching my pain from the upper echelons of mindfulness. I thought that analyzing why I manifested the hardship was a form of self-compassion.

Here’s how I knew it was self-pity: Feeling sorry for myself felt really soothing and good. Slightly rebellious and sneaky. It was a sweet justification for a lot of Netflix, gluten-free waffles and “whyyyyyy me?!” conversations with God.

When I was in self-pity mode, I was NOT imagining how bright my future was going to be. I was ruminating on how my sh*t circumstances were keeping me from my bright future. Perspective is everything.

But I can say this for myself, once I saw the pity pattern I got to work on restructuring it right away.

My walks around the lake turned it into a conversation with Creation.

“Eternal Loving Presence… my Higher self, please transform my self-pity into Resilience.

I release my self-pity into Loving awareness.”

I said this over and over again. It was uncomfortable. I felt ashamed of my self-pity. I saw how it was blocking what I wanted the most: healing. I felt even more embarrassed.

I made self-pity my meditative focus for three days. And a new energy emerged—through my thoughts and my lungs. Gentle optimism. Compassion.

I did not feel healed of my emotional pain, and I was still physically weak, but I was able to have a more honest conversation with myself—and my friends, about what I needed to do to heal. And it had everything to do with being genuinely compassionate and patient, with myself and The Divine.

Compassion isn’t saccharine. It doesn’t flatter in order to manipulate. It is very HONEST.

Compassion will never speak down to your pain or anyone else’s. It’s immensely RESPECTFUL.

Compassion helps champion yourself without pity or delusion. She knows you have what it takes to heal.

With Love,