The purest, and most understandable, definition of self-love is self compassion. It’s merciful and tender and very very accomodating. It’s the kind of Love that goes way deeper than Self Care Fridays, or thinking you’re being good to yourself because you “let yourself” have a nap. (Naps should be basic, okay?)
It’s easy to love yourself when you’re at your best—when all your hard work is paying off. You think, “I’m awesome. I have my shit together. And I SO love myself because I’m awesome and have my shit together.”
But how about when you just lied… can you find compassion for yourself? When you cheated… can you access your lovability? When you’re still in agony over the break-up and are struggling to get over it… can you love yourself anyway?
This episode is a collection of choice for self loving. Every time you choose the more compassionate thought and action, you’re retraining your mind to draw on the boundless power of your heart. We’re building spirit muscle, here. And, we’re doing our service in the world—deepening our self-love expands our ability to love others. It’s… boundless, really.
EXCERPTS FROM EPS 3
Can you love yourself when you hate yourself?
Deep growth happens when our self care is a celebration of our goodness and value—not a “fix” for what we think is broken, or our original defectiveness. Loving what seems unloveable… that’s the kind of Love that changes everything. That’s the Love that wins. That’s where darkness gets transmuted into the light of consciousness. Pain into strength. Density into beautiful awareness.
So precisely at the time when you think you deserve criticism and punishment, instead, respond with gentleness. Apply Love to your own internal resistance to receive that love. Be the loving parent of your wounded inner child. That’s Love as a verb, as a medicine, as a force for change.
You have to accept it before you can transform it.
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you’re selling yourself a bill of goods that you are perfect. It doesn’t mean that you think you’re right all of the time. When you can be really intimate with shadows, you can see exactly what you have to offer and where you fall short; where and when you go wrong; where you hurt yourself; and where you hurt other people.
Accepting a perceived flaw or limitation doesn’t mean that we don’t intend to change it. In fact, it’s when we fully accept something that we can begin to transform it. We give it the light of our full attention, and that consciousness is the transformative force.
Your self talk generates your self-love.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love says, “You poor thing.” When’s the last time you said to yourself, “No wonder you feel this way. It’s been tough.” Just like your best friend would say. Just like the Divine Mother would hold you, with words of compassion.
Most of us are productive and wise and our esteem is pretty much in check. We’re aware of our woundedness and we don’t need another peptalk. And we don’t want to use meditation to distract us from our pain. What we need is some compassionate messages from ourselves.
Here’s the mind-training… Choose thoughts of worthiness—even if you have a hard time fully believing them. With every self-compassionate sentence you say to yourself, you will move from doubting to considering to believing them. Work your way up the spectrum of love vibration. Keep speaking steadily loving phrases to yourself and you will move into knowing them, to living them, to giving them to the world around you.
Your pleasure empowers you.
Pleasure heals. Pleasure makes the hard things easier. Your pleasure generates power—and you know this in your bones. Pleasure isn’t about excess and debauchery. It’s about life force and sustenance. And in a culture that’s obsessed with productivity and out of touch with the simple sweetnesses of human life, prioritizing pleasure is an expression of sanity.
The podcast guide and reflection exercise are for building spirit muscle. Every time you choose the more compassionate thought and action, you’re retraining your mind to draw on the boundless power of your heart.
Integrate what you heard. Download the free reflection cards for this episode.
5 Questions For Self CompaSSion
Keeping in mind that self-love and compassion is one of the deepest, most sensitive and certainly transformational paths we can and should explore in our life time… then, um, how may I offer some simple reflections? I can only scratch the surface here. Almost everything I’ve been talking and writing about for years leads back to self-love and the journey is never complete. But here are a few soul queries to keep us pointed toward compassion and change for the better.
If my very best friend showed up at my door sobbing and anxious, confessing that she/he/they felt worthless of the love they craved and behind on all they wanted to have done by now in their life… With all of my fiercely unwavering and profoundly tender true love this is what I would do and say to them:
A few things I’m having a hard time accepting about myself:
The most loving and encouraging messages that an angel, Spirit Guide, my favourite deity or beloved friend would give to me are:
5 simple things that give me pleasure:
The most compassionate thing I could do for myself this week would be to…
Can you love yourself when you hate yourself?